Barriers to Love

When I started writing 13 Decisions that will Change Your Life, I hadn't considered how many barriers there were to unconditional love.  As it turns out, there are many.  More seem to rear their heads every day.

Love is curtailed by distrust or mistrust.  We've all experienced betrayal and the bitterness it leaves.  Love is unable to live in an atmosphere of unforgiveness.  Roots of  malice burrow into our lives and take years of diligence to get rid of.

Love closely related to joy and a zest for living.  Neither is possible if a scimitar is poised over our head.  Purging grudges, putting away hard feelings, and defusing feuds unbars the road to love.  Unfortunately cleared pathways don't always stay clear, so this demolition must be a constant chore.   Don't put off your spring cleaning so love can blossom. 

All of LIfe is a Decision

From the first time you choose Cheerios(c) over toast, your life has been a series of decisions. Some are seemingly small such as what to have for breakfast or what to wear.  Others are of the more weighty variety like who do I marry or what will I do with my life.

Decisions also have consequences.  If we eat spicy food at midnight, we may pay with indigestion.  If we marry an incompatible individual then the consequences may be unhappiness or even divorce.  Unfortunately, most of us take decision making quite lightly and use the eeny-meeny-miny-moe approach.

My series of books take on 13 of our major decisions that change our lives, our marriages, our communities, and eventually our world.  How we act or react to life or how we anticipate life makes a difference in all of our relationships. 

When we display anger, unforgiveness, isolation, and guilt, it may be time for a deeper probing of what is going on in our lives.  I want to take this journey with you.  It is one I have experienced and so have many of my colleagues.

Contest

From now until November 22, 2012 those signing up to receive my blog will get a free E Book - The first 40 years are the Hardest - a humorous look at love, marriage and the nitty gritty of everyday life. Hurry today sign up for 13 Decisions That Will Change Your Life blog and it might just change yours. 

Sheila

Decide to Embrace Failure

In a poem by T. H. Palmer, the writer beckons, "Tis a lesson you should need, If at first you don't succeed, Try, try again;  Then your courage should appear, for it you will persevere, You will conquer never fear.  Try, try again."

In the business of writing and publishing, rejections come in bunches.  Once I won an award at our writers' group for having the most rejections (200).  My  husband only encourages, you can paper your writing studio with them. 

But rejections hurt, discourage, and can become personal.  The editors don't want that beautiful essay and won't publish your delightful humor column.  When I feel like trashing the whole writing gig, I remember a comment by a friend, "No doesn't mean never."

Editors may not want my scribblings now, but in future perhaps these same individuals will be asking for a guest editorial or article.  Keep your chin up.  Decide to embrace failure.  Try.  Try again.

Ignoring Failure

If you were raised in a home with perfectionists as I was, failure is the absolute be-all and end-all most humiliating experince you could experience.  Bad grades were a reflection on the family.  Behavior was to be on the utmost par.  Nothing could spot a perfect record at school or in the neighborhood.  "Be a lady" is the southern matra heard from the hospital nursery to the nursing home.  Not necessarily a bad thing, but somewhat crippling if you fail in any realm of your life.

And you will fail.  Failing isn't fatal.  Failing can be the stepping stone to the next big thing.  And failing doesn't mean you will never attain the goal.  You may have to be more patient, wait a little longer, take another creative route, or take a detour.  The main thing is that you keep on!  Ignore what doesn't work along with unwanted comments.  Concentrate on the goal and you will get there.

Embrace Failure

What do Dr. Seuss and Edison have in common with us?  We each have experienced failure.  Failure comes in many forms.  We fail exams. We fail physicals. We fail to produce, print, and be perfect.  It doesn't take long in this experiment we call life to witness failure in others and in ourselves.  The trick is to embrace it. 

Failure leads to finding alternate ways.  Failure leads to creativity.  Failure leads to honest soul searching.  Failure opens doors.  And the quicker we embrace our failure and open that door, the sooner we can move on to the next phase of our lives.

Generosity is Contagious

My grandmother was a giver.  I never left her little country farmhouse without a sack of tomatoes or jars of jelly.  She wasn't rich in material wealth but she wanted to give. Giving expressed her love.  I wonder if we think of that when we write a check to the church or share with someone in need.  Giving can salve our conscience because it's the right thing to do.  But perhaps we should reread the story in Luke 21.  Jesus commends the widow for her tiny gift because "she gave all she had to live on."  She supposedly went unnoticed but gifts done for the right motive don't go unnoticed.  The decision to be generous will change your life and the lives of those around you.