Service From the Heart Lasts Forever

A dear friend just went to his reward.  My memories of him include service - whether it was preparing supper for the women's retreat, repairing a wall, or leading the choir.  He tackled each task with a big smile and a "how can we make this fun" attitude. 

My friend learned the lesson long ago that serving is not just doing.  Going through the motions doesn't touch anyone; only service can do that.  A heart that is cleansed and a mind that's renewed is where serving from the heart lives.

Opportunities abound for us all.  Let's renew our vow to look for them and serve with a glad heart. Decide to serve others - that's a decision that will change your life.

Forgive Until It Feels Good

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. ^{Matthew 18:21-22}

Peter was probably astounded at Jesus' answer.  He was being magnanimous in offering to forgive seven times.  But Jesus points out that if you are keeping count, your forgiveness is bogus and thus null and void.

I Corinthians 13 records that love "it keeps no record of wrongs" (5b) So when you are tempted to use old wounds or the past as ammunition, ask yourself "am I keeping records or do I truly forgive?"

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Covenant or Contract?

When Tim, my husband, performs a marriage ceremony he often talks about the difference in a contract or a covenant.  Contracts assume skepticism, contain no trust, and can be broken.  On the other hand, a covenant is assuming permanence, trust and faithfulness, plus an idea of eternity.  Covenant making with another individual is a serious business and not to be taken lightly.  No bed of roses or promises of smooth sailing but an oath of faithfulness, inter-dependence, love, and forgiveness.  Think about your relationships - are they contracts or covenants? 

To Begin Again

In 1982 my family suffered the lost of all our worldly goods.  We were on a move across country when our moving van was stolen.  It was devastating.  Much like a fire, the burglars stole our pictures, baby books, Christmas ornaments, even the pots and pans.  I thought it was the worst thing that could ever happen to me until I looked into the face of my children.

As I reassured them of God's provision, I found my faith grow until I reached the point that I could forgive the ones who had perpetrated the crime. As difficult as the following year would be, I know that  I was learning the first chapter of what would prove the lesson of a lifetime - the lesson of forgiveness.

God's Provision in Forgiveness

And so I discovered that it is not on our forgiveness any more than on our goodness that the world’s healing hinges, but on His.  When He tells us to love our enemies, He gives along with the command, the love itself. (Corrie Ten Boom, The Hiding Place)

If you've had many adventures in your Christian walk, you understand that sometimes the Lord asks you to do something you feel unequippred to carry out.  Biblical characters felt that through the Old and New Testaments.  Every one felt inadequate either in the their education, prowess, intelligence, or purity. But at the eleventh hour, God came through.

Corrie lets us know that when she face her most bitter opponent and offered friendship, God furnished the feelings to accompany the act.  When you forgive and love your enemies, God provides the love.

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Are You Sorry?

"I'm sorry.  It was completely my fault.  These words are very familiar.  Most of us have repeated them  many times to our spouse, to our friends, to our teachers, and to those who are closest to us - our family.

But what about to ourselves?  Are there things in your life that you won't forgive yourself for?  Are there unspoken sins and transgressions that bring humiliation and shame?  God doesn't want us to live like that.  That's the whole purpose of redemption, freedom, and new life.  He gives us a second chance.

It's time to give yourself the grace you would give another.  Forgive yourself of any words or actions that you regret.  Make recompense if necessary and move past that part of your life.  Give serious thought to housecleaning your soul.  Everyone will profit from it especially you.

Childlikeness Shall Lead Us

If you want an example of forgiveness, watch little children.  For the first few minutes, children who play together are best friends.  They share the toys.  They smile and even laugh at the antics of the other.  They cooperate freely up to a point. If no one intervenes (like an adult or another child) this scenario may rock along for some time.

But inevitably there comes a scream, a thwack, or a tattling child and we are off.  Separate the kids.  Make them give over the coveted toy.  Put in time out or send to their room.  And the dynamic will come full circle.

In a few minutes, the children will be saying "sorry", begging to play, and embracing each other as well as the moment.  They don't even remember why the conflict began, why they had to apologize, or what "time out" was for.  They have completely forgiven and along the way forgotten the heinous action that led to the punishment.

Adults on the other hand have learned to harbor that grudge, put on a game face, and build barriers in our hearts toward the one who hurt us.  We say the right things but in our inner being, we will never forgive and certainly not forget.  We become a little like Dr. Seuss' Grinch and our heart shrinks until it is "two sizes too small."

Today I resolve to become a little more childlike (not childish) and scrub the slate clean.  It is the 2nd decision in 13 Decisions That Will Change Your Life and one you won't regret.

Tough Love

Forgiving someone close to me was the hardest thing I have ever done.  Of course like the Tom Hanks character in "A League of Their Own" said (in reference to baseball), "If it was easy everyone would do it."  And therein is the rub. 

In order to forgive you must bear the pain, decide to let the wound heal, vow to put it behind you, and offer love to the offender.  Not a bad recipe if you only have to see that person once or twice a year, but what about at all the family holidays, birthdays, Christmas, every other weekend, at funerals, gravesides, and all social events?  Each time takes a piece of your soul.  That is unless, "you forgive your brother from your heart" (Matthew 18:35 NIV)

And while you are dispensing grace to another, don't forget to take a heaping helping for yourself.  Forgiveness and grace combined are the antidote to bitterness and a life filled with fear.

When Relationships Go Awry

Forgiveness is Not for Sissies

"To err is human, to forgive divine."  I never realized how true that was until I was part of a relationship where forgiveness seemed as plausible as going to the moon.  If that is your situation, don't beat yourself up.  Forgiving someone is a process not a task that can be accomplished in one day.  It may take years to fully recover from a heartbreak, a betrayal, or a relationship breakdown.

How will you know when you have forgiven someone?  I tell those who ask, "when the memory of that person or incident no longer causes you pain."  Don't despair.  The Holy Spirit will cleanse and heal.  He will take your wounded spirit and replace it with joy.

Decide Not to Poison Yourself

Forgiveness brings peace, happiness, and joy.  Forgiveness unburdens your heart and sweeps your soul clean of bitterness and rage.  Forgiveness robs Satan of a foothol.  He can't exist when you perform the housecleaning of the soul. However, forgiveness is not easy nor is it a one time thing. Sometimes you need to forgive seventy times seven as the scripture says. The good news is that the more you exercise the decision to forgive, the better your life will be.

There are some things harder to forgive than others.  Forgiving an offender is a process.  One things is for certain.  Everyone needs forgiveness.  And everyone needs to forgive.

I don't know who said it but it's true.  Not to forgive is "like drinking a cup of poison and waiting for the other person to die."  Think about that the next time you are called on to forgive another's trespass.

Forgive and Forget

Remember when your mom made you say "sorry" to your sibling when you hit him/her?  Heartfelt was it?  Sometimes when we forgive as adults, it is just as thin and insincere.  In 13 Decisions That Will Change Your Life I spend a lot of time on this subject.  Forgiveness has been a theme of my adult life.  I've had to ask for a lot of grace and I've done my share of dispensing it.

There are situations I would like to change, others I would undo or skip a;together.  But the best I can hope for is a new start and that I learn something from each mistake.  Those two things aren't possible unless we truly forgive and forget.  When the situation no longer angers us, it is a symptom that you are  close to achieving that goal.

I have discussed the subject of forgiveness with many.  When they confess their failures and disappointments in relationships, there is often a core of unforgiveness presenting a hurdle to high or wide to navigate. Someone has wronged you, betrayed you, or broken faith.  If we don't forgive, we only hurt ourselves not the other person.

The standard excuse is that we don't forgive someone because they don't ask.  They don't ask because of pride. We spread rumors, turn out backs, and avoid them increasing our guilt.  And the cycle of bitterness feeds on itself poisoning all those around.  Be the bigger person and truly forgive and forget.  It is a happier way to live.