Decide to Embrace Failure

In a poem by T. H. Palmer, the writer beckons, "Tis a lesson you should need, If at first you don't succeed, Try, try again;  Then your courage should appear, for it you will persevere, You will conquer never fear.  Try, try again."

In the business of writing and publishing, rejections come in bunches.  Once I won an award at our writers' group for having the most rejections (200).  My  husband only encourages, you can paper your writing studio with them. 

But rejections hurt, discourage, and can become personal.  The editors don't want that beautiful essay and won't publish your delightful humor column.  When I feel like trashing the whole writing gig, I remember a comment by a friend, "No doesn't mean never."

Editors may not want my scribblings now, but in future perhaps these same individuals will be asking for a guest editorial or article.  Keep your chin up.  Decide to embrace failure.  Try.  Try again.

Ignoring Failure

If you were raised in a home with perfectionists as I was, failure is the absolute be-all and end-all most humiliating experince you could experience.  Bad grades were a reflection on the family.  Behavior was to be on the utmost par.  Nothing could spot a perfect record at school or in the neighborhood.  "Be a lady" is the southern matra heard from the hospital nursery to the nursing home.  Not necessarily a bad thing, but somewhat crippling if you fail in any realm of your life.

And you will fail.  Failing isn't fatal.  Failing can be the stepping stone to the next big thing.  And failing doesn't mean you will never attain the goal.  You may have to be more patient, wait a little longer, take another creative route, or take a detour.  The main thing is that you keep on!  Ignore what doesn't work along with unwanted comments.  Concentrate on the goal and you will get there.

Embrace Failure

What do Dr. Seuss and Edison have in common with us?  We each have experienced failure.  Failure comes in many forms.  We fail exams. We fail physicals. We fail to produce, print, and be perfect.  It doesn't take long in this experiment we call life to witness failure in others and in ourselves.  The trick is to embrace it. 

Failure leads to finding alternate ways.  Failure leads to creativity.  Failure leads to honest soul searching.  Failure opens doors.  And the quicker we embrace our failure and open that door, the sooner we can move on to the next phase of our lives.

Generosity is Contagious

My grandmother was a giver.  I never left her little country farmhouse without a sack of tomatoes or jars of jelly.  She wasn't rich in material wealth but she wanted to give. Giving expressed her love.  I wonder if we think of that when we write a check to the church or share with someone in need.  Giving can salve our conscience because it's the right thing to do.  But perhaps we should reread the story in Luke 21.  Jesus commends the widow for her tiny gift because "she gave all she had to live on."  She supposedly went unnoticed but gifts done for the right motive don't go unnoticed.  The decision to be generous will change your life and the lives of those around you.

Generosity is a Decision

A baby no matter how precious is born with a clenched fist.  Part of the fallen nature of man, we are doomed to be selfish and think of No.#1.  When we are converted to Christ, our nature changes and the old Scrooge must go and we take on an attitude of giving.  Generosity is something we can cultivate.  Each tiny bit of giving unclenches that fist.  We give until it hurts and then it feels very very good.  Take every opportunity to share with another.  It's a decision that will change your life.

Be Generous

People love to get stuff, especially free stuff.  Americans are famous for their big cars, big houses, big food portions, big everything.  But I wonder if that is true of our hearts.  We tend to be generous with everything but ourselves.  I am putting myself on the hook too.  It is easier to be generous with a few dollars than with myself or my time.  Chapter 6 of 13 Decisions That Will Change Your Life introduces some folks you don't know but their generosity will inspire your life.

Surrender Opens Doors

Two of my favorite modern day heroines are Corrie Ten Boom and Elisabeth Eliott.  Corrie chose a prison camp rather than turn away the Jews being persecuted in her town.  She provided a haven for many before being arrested herself.  She saw her sister, Betsy, waste away and die but Corrie was faithful to her task. She surrendered but never gave up.

Elisabeth became a widow at a very young age.  Her husband, Jim, was slaughtered as he attempted to preach Christ in Ecuador.  Instead of giving up, she surrendered her life to reaching the people in that tribe. The journey was long but fruitful and proved to be a lifelong adventure.

What adventure are you missing by resisting surrender?

Anger and Guilt

Ever let someone push you over the edge?  So much that your anger flairs?  The old saying, "He who angers you conquers you" is true.  Once your self control goes, then it is only a short hop to saying and doing regrettable things.

And no amount of apologies erase words say in haste and in the heat of the moment.  "I'm sorry" no matter how heartfelt never eradicates the memory and the nagging feeling that in the backlash, there just might be a grain of truth.

And there you have the decision cycle that changes your life and invites GUILT into your heart.  Resist the urge to take the easy route.  Rise above criticism and failure.  You have a higher calling.

Hands Up!

To most individuals in our society, surrender is a dirty word.  For the month of  August I hope to persuade you that surrender does not mean giving up.  I devote an entire chapter to this subject in 13 Decisions That Will Change Your Life.  God often uses situations, people, and yes even loss to get out attention and convince us of the need to surrender.  Even a peek into the Old and New Testament reveals Deborah's surrender to leadership, Saul's rebellion to surrender,  David's up and down attitude toward surrender.  But of course Jesus' surrender is the most magnificent of all. Anything less pales before that example.  How are you doing with surrender today?

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Satan's Toolbox

Everyone has a resource they pull from.  Writers read voraciously and persuade, create worlds, motivate, or make us laugh.  Carpenters use their hammers, planes, and blueprints to fashion cathedrals. 

Satan is like that.  But he isn't clever enough to use innovative methods.  Instead he digs into our conscious and subconscious minds, invades our dreams, and finds enough emotional baggage to be a guilt trip agent.

Don't fall for it.  Let your toolbox be filled with love, peace, and joy.

Tale of Two Guilt Trips

David was a king.  He has everything he could ever want.  But that wasn't enough.  He wanted a woman who belonged to another.  He devised a crafty plan, murdered the husband, and took Bathsheba.  He paid a hefty price for his sin, but guilt led to repentance and restoration.

Judas was a disciple.  He was treasurer of the "in" group.  But that wasn't enough.  He needed recognition.  He devised a crafty plan, betrayed Jesus, and paid a hefty price for his sin -  suicide.

Two men, two sins, different endings.

Motivation to Serve

Guilt is a huge motivator.  It can make us volunteer, do penance, teach a class, and otherwise burn our candle at both ends - all without emotions, empathy, or concern.  Guilt compares us to others and brings up conversations from naysayers.  Guilt reminds you of your failures and confuses your motives with "oughts."  Satan uses many tricks in his bag to get us to serve, but the only motive that satisfies is the one Jesus gave to love and serve as He did.

Use Your Abilities

A double amputee wrote, "You're not disabled by the disabilities you have, you are able by the abilities you have."  A great attitude from a great athlete.

Oscar Pistorious is the fastest man with NO legs.  His awards would fill a room.  He is only one example of patience and perseverance.  He decided that his disability would not define him. 

As the motto of paraolympics asks, "What's your excuse?"

Pursue Patiently

Many wonderful things in life come only after we patiently wait for them.  Children come to mind. We plan, prepare, and wait for our little ones. They are worth the wait.

The dream house we save for is finally ours after years of sacrifice.  The promotion comes only after our performance reaches a peak.

And so it is with most things.  Pursue patiently what your heart desires.  Celebrities who are an overnight success worked at their craft for many years.  And when the accolades come, enjoy but don't forget to pass that grace along to another.

I Want to Be Patient NOW

In the instant society where we live, work, and play, patience has become an antique virtue.  We nuke our food, speed to our appointments, demand faster cable and internet (guilty of all).  Perhaps the only thing we can't speed up is childbirth and C-sections are helping with that.

When it comes to the world of writing, patience and its companion, perseverance, is the only thing that will keep you sane.  David Sarnoff said, The will to persevere is often the difference between failure and success.

Packing Lunches

My grandson woke his mom early with "Mom, Mom - today is the day!"

 "What day?"

"The day we take food to the kids, get up, they are probably waiting on us!

 Where did we lose the sincere, innocent heart of a child?  Hunger is all around us even in the most sophisticated suburb.  When young ones like my grandsons are aware, we should be too.  Service like love, peace, and joy begins in the heart.

Standing and Waiting

I heard a speaker once who explained the phrase "they also serve who only stand and wait."  For years I thought it was to sit quietly and nod approval, but he explained it differently. 

When you think of a server in a restaurant setting, you get the gist. A wait person or a waiter is one who is at your side, assisting, helping you make good decisions, and hopefully making your experience pleasant. 

Get this image in your head and in your heart.  Serving will take on a new meaning.

Service that is sincere comes from a heart cleansed and a mind renewed.  Only one of my 13 Decisions That Will Change Your Life.

Do You Ever Wonder?

Please tell me that I am not the only one who pauses and thinks what would happen if?   I know all writers do especially the novelists among us.  But what about the others?  What would have happened if I had married someone else or not married at all?  Had 4 children or no children?  Moved to Hawaii or been a missionary to Japan? 

Lots of choices and most of them are made when we are young maybe even just out of high school or finishing college.  We decide who we will spend our life with and what we will spend it doing.  These are important decisions.  13 Decisions That Will Change Your Life and 13 Decisions That Will Change Your Marriage can help.

Service From the Heart Lasts Forever

A dear friend just went to his reward.  My memories of him include service - whether it was preparing supper for the women's retreat, repairing a wall, or leading the choir.  He tackled each task with a big smile and a "how can we make this fun" attitude. 

My friend learned the lesson long ago that serving is not just doing.  Going through the motions doesn't touch anyone; only service can do that.  A heart that is cleansed and a mind that's renewed is where serving from the heart lives.

Opportunities abound for us all.  Let's renew our vow to look for them and serve with a glad heart. Decide to serve others - that's a decision that will change your life.

Forgive Until It Feels Good

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. ^{Matthew 18:21-22}

Peter was probably astounded at Jesus' answer.  He was being magnanimous in offering to forgive seven times.  But Jesus points out that if you are keeping count, your forgiveness is bogus and thus null and void.

I Corinthians 13 records that love "it keeps no record of wrongs" (5b) So when you are tempted to use old wounds or the past as ammunition, ask yourself "am I keeping records or do I truly forgive?"

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Covenant or Contract?

When Tim, my husband, performs a marriage ceremony he often talks about the difference in a contract or a covenant.  Contracts assume skepticism, contain no trust, and can be broken.  On the other hand, a covenant is assuming permanence, trust and faithfulness, plus an idea of eternity.  Covenant making with another individual is a serious business and not to be taken lightly.  No bed of roses or promises of smooth sailing but an oath of faithfulness, inter-dependence, love, and forgiveness.  Think about your relationships - are they contracts or covenants? 

To Begin Again

In 1982 my family suffered the lost of all our worldly goods.  We were on a move across country when our moving van was stolen.  It was devastating.  Much like a fire, the burglars stole our pictures, baby books, Christmas ornaments, even the pots and pans.  I thought it was the worst thing that could ever happen to me until I looked into the face of my children.

As I reassured them of God's provision, I found my faith grow until I reached the point that I could forgive the ones who had perpetrated the crime. As difficult as the following year would be, I know that  I was learning the first chapter of what would prove the lesson of a lifetime - the lesson of forgiveness.

God's Provision in Forgiveness

And so I discovered that it is not on our forgiveness any more than on our goodness that the world’s healing hinges, but on His.  When He tells us to love our enemies, He gives along with the command, the love itself. (Corrie Ten Boom, The Hiding Place)

If you've had many adventures in your Christian walk, you understand that sometimes the Lord asks you to do something you feel unequippred to carry out.  Biblical characters felt that through the Old and New Testaments.  Every one felt inadequate either in the their education, prowess, intelligence, or purity. But at the eleventh hour, God came through.

Corrie lets us know that when she face her most bitter opponent and offered friendship, God furnished the feelings to accompany the act.  When you forgive and love your enemies, God provides the love.

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Are You Sorry?

"I'm sorry.  It was completely my fault.  These words are very familiar.  Most of us have repeated them  many times to our spouse, to our friends, to our teachers, and to those who are closest to us - our family.

But what about to ourselves?  Are there things in your life that you won't forgive yourself for?  Are there unspoken sins and transgressions that bring humiliation and shame?  God doesn't want us to live like that.  That's the whole purpose of redemption, freedom, and new life.  He gives us a second chance.

It's time to give yourself the grace you would give another.  Forgive yourself of any words or actions that you regret.  Make recompense if necessary and move past that part of your life.  Give serious thought to housecleaning your soul.  Everyone will profit from it especially you.

Childlikeness Shall Lead Us

If you want an example of forgiveness, watch little children.  For the first few minutes, children who play together are best friends.  They share the toys.  They smile and even laugh at the antics of the other.  They cooperate freely up to a point. If no one intervenes (like an adult or another child) this scenario may rock along for some time.

But inevitably there comes a scream, a thwack, or a tattling child and we are off.  Separate the kids.  Make them give over the coveted toy.  Put in time out or send to their room.  And the dynamic will come full circle.

In a few minutes, the children will be saying "sorry", begging to play, and embracing each other as well as the moment.  They don't even remember why the conflict began, why they had to apologize, or what "time out" was for.  They have completely forgiven and along the way forgotten the heinous action that led to the punishment.

Adults on the other hand have learned to harbor that grudge, put on a game face, and build barriers in our hearts toward the one who hurt us.  We say the right things but in our inner being, we will never forgive and certainly not forget.  We become a little like Dr. Seuss' Grinch and our heart shrinks until it is "two sizes too small."

Today I resolve to become a little more childlike (not childish) and scrub the slate clean.  It is the 2nd decision in 13 Decisions That Will Change Your Life and one you won't regret.

Tough Love

Forgiving someone close to me was the hardest thing I have ever done.  Of course like the Tom Hanks character in "A League of Their Own" said (in reference to baseball), "If it was easy everyone would do it."  And therein is the rub. 

In order to forgive you must bear the pain, decide to let the wound heal, vow to put it behind you, and offer love to the offender.  Not a bad recipe if you only have to see that person once or twice a year, but what about at all the family holidays, birthdays, Christmas, every other weekend, at funerals, gravesides, and all social events?  Each time takes a piece of your soul.  That is unless, "you forgive your brother from your heart" (Matthew 18:35 NIV)

And while you are dispensing grace to another, don't forget to take a heaping helping for yourself.  Forgiveness and grace combined are the antidote to bitterness and a life filled with fear.

When Relationships Go Awry

Forgiveness is Not for Sissies

"To err is human, to forgive divine."  I never realized how true that was until I was part of a relationship where forgiveness seemed as plausible as going to the moon.  If that is your situation, don't beat yourself up.  Forgiving someone is a process not a task that can be accomplished in one day.  It may take years to fully recover from a heartbreak, a betrayal, or a relationship breakdown.

How will you know when you have forgiven someone?  I tell those who ask, "when the memory of that person or incident no longer causes you pain."  Don't despair.  The Holy Spirit will cleanse and heal.  He will take your wounded spirit and replace it with joy.

Decide Not to Poison Yourself

Forgiveness brings peace, happiness, and joy.  Forgiveness unburdens your heart and sweeps your soul clean of bitterness and rage.  Forgiveness robs Satan of a foothol.  He can't exist when you perform the housecleaning of the soul. However, forgiveness is not easy nor is it a one time thing. Sometimes you need to forgive seventy times seven as the scripture says. The good news is that the more you exercise the decision to forgive, the better your life will be.

There are some things harder to forgive than others.  Forgiving an offender is a process.  One things is for certain.  Everyone needs forgiveness.  And everyone needs to forgive.

I don't know who said it but it's true.  Not to forgive is "like drinking a cup of poison and waiting for the other person to die."  Think about that the next time you are called on to forgive another's trespass.

Forgive and Forget

Remember when your mom made you say "sorry" to your sibling when you hit him/her?  Heartfelt was it?  Sometimes when we forgive as adults, it is just as thin and insincere.  In 13 Decisions That Will Change Your Life I spend a lot of time on this subject.  Forgiveness has been a theme of my adult life.  I've had to ask for a lot of grace and I've done my share of dispensing it.

There are situations I would like to change, others I would undo or skip a;together.  But the best I can hope for is a new start and that I learn something from each mistake.  Those two things aren't possible unless we truly forgive and forget.  When the situation no longer angers us, it is a symptom that you are  close to achieving that goal.

I have discussed the subject of forgiveness with many.  When they confess their failures and disappointments in relationships, there is often a core of unforgiveness presenting a hurdle to high or wide to navigate. Someone has wronged you, betrayed you, or broken faith.  If we don't forgive, we only hurt ourselves not the other person.

The standard excuse is that we don't forgive someone because they don't ask.  They don't ask because of pride. We spread rumors, turn out backs, and avoid them increasing our guilt.  And the cycle of bitterness feeds on itself poisoning all those around.  Be the bigger person and truly forgive and forget.  It is a happier way to live.

To Love and To Cherish

"To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, 'till death do us part."

I was 20 years of age - an old maid - compared to my high school friends who had already married their sweetheart. On that hot August evening, I was convinced I knew what love was.  Forty four years later I am still learning. 

My husband, a veteran minister, always counseled young couples that "True love is not the glamor or romance.  True love is breakfast with the curlers (remember those pink ones), bad breath, beards, and all that goes with it. True love is nursing someone through surgery or the flu. True love means apologizing, getting along with in-laws, and swallowing pride."

In my years of parenting, mothering, and grandmothering, I have learned a lot about love, commitment, faithfulness, and devotion.  And the amazing and wonderful part is that I am still learning.  Some of my best teachers have been my daughters and now my grandchildren. Their words of wisdom are part of my every thought. 

Once I asked the oldest grandson, "What happens if you don't love someone?"  He looked at me very strangely and gave a wise reply for his young years, "You have to love. God said so."

Loving Your Neighbor

Love. Love. Love. Love. The gospel is a word is love.  Love thy neighbor as thy brother.  Love. Love. Love.

I grew up singing that song in vacation Bible school.  Sounds easy and when I was young I thought it was.  Love to me was kissing my parents goodnight, getting treats from my Grandfather, sitting on Santa's knee, or being praised for good grades.  What's not to  love?

As an adult, I learned that not everyone loves,  I also learned not everyone is lovable.  That's when the command to love is hard to obey.  Later one I heard someone say, "remember like and love are not the same thing." 

That was freeing.  Jesus never commanded us to like everyone.  But He did mention loving others a lot - a whole lot.  I have spent the last 45 years learning the difference and figuring out how to do it.

Love

Love.  It surrounds us, defines us, and makes our lives what they are.  Love withheld produces one type of individual and abundant love produces another.  Why are we afraid to love?  We confuse so many things with love and yet most of us continually seek it.

Love is the source of all joy and happiness.  The spiritual fruit from which all others come.  Yet it remains illusive and to some unattainable.  We take great risks for those on whom we bestow our love, make great sacrifices for love's sake, and if it is true love - we never give up.

The decision to love is one of many decisions that will truly change your life.  My book  13 Decisions That Will Change Your Life addresses others.  Love is a decision that we make without even realizing it. 

Keep reading and together we will find out about love and all of the other decisions you either need to make or reaffirm for a happier more fulfilled life.