13 Decisions That Will Transform Your Marriage Trailer

What if?

How many decisions do you make a day? Hundreds, thousands? Some are business decisions, but some are personal. What if you take a different way to work? What if your vacation was spent in a mission field? What if you took two years and volunteered to feed the hungry, clothe the homeless, and devote yourself to the work of Christ?

We make so many decisions that we don't even notice anymore. Some life changing and some are not. What if we decided to set aside time to meditate each day? What if we decided to fast? to confess our sins to another?

Take some time with the what ifs in your life. It may just change your day or even your future.

Inspiration Comes in Many Forms

Sometimes writers wait until they have a spark of inspiration or an incident that prompts them to scribble ideas, plans, plots or thoughts. For me inspiration comes with a bird song, my puppy tugging the leash, or that bit of scripture that I am struggling to memorize. Inspirational thoughts are everywhere and like a child with a butterfly net it is our job to catch them and weave them into a poem, song, essay, or story. I am so blessed to have friends who do this on a daily basis. They will tell you that inspiration is how you look at the world not what the world drops in your lap. My mini sermon for the day.

13 Decisions That Will Change Your Life

Wow - no one ever told me that publishing a book would change your outlook on everything. When I want to focus on the 2nd book - 13 Decisions That Will Transform Your Marriage - I have to go back to Book Number One to figure out what I said so I don't repeat myself. Also there's the marketing thing. I just want to write and publish and turn it over to someone else. Unfortunately that is not today's publishing mecca.

The big publishers won't invest in marketing for you and the small ones can't afford to invest. Neither can I but that is entirely beside the point. My niche seems to be the world of churches, small groups, women's ministries, etc. That is fine with me but there's no universal way of reaching out and touching a large number of them at once.

I have to hope my pool of faithful followers will read, review, and spread the news so that my sphere of influence, writing, and opportunities to speak will grow. That's where you come in.

Help me make this dream come true of spreading what I know about God's part in decision making to others who may be struggling with some of the same things I did.

Until next time. Sheila

THE BABY IS HERE!

If you are an author then you will identify with what I am saying. Writing a book - any kind of book- is like being pregnant and finally delivering. You go through all the aches and pains, changes to your lifestyle, and fears.
There are some days you are delighted others you are depressed. Some months are hope-filled, lovely with butterflies and bluebirds. Other had hopeless, dark and gloomy when the negative editor within you wails that 'you will never get this done,' it is impossible and senseless.

But all that changes with the first galley proof. You see the errors but you forgot how good it sounds. Did I really write this? Is this my book-child that I envisioned? Where did this knowledge and wisdom come from?

If you think I sound a little crazy, maybe I am but the blues I have are not the depressing kind. (see book cover) Thank you to all those who never gave up on me, those who challenged me, who supported me, who listened to me whine, and kept me going. Love you all, S

For a look at the cover, pricing, and mailing information: visit www.13decisions.com

Writing is a Decision

Writers make many conscious decisions every day.  Will I write today? What will I write?  Who is my audience?  Will my words be uplifting and helpful?  How much of myself will go into the work I produce? 

The tough thing is that once the words are in black and white - they are harder to recall, edit, or correct at least when you push the print or send button.  Creating is only the first step.  Editing, reediting (multiplied by10) and the final draft come later.  Writers decide to allow fresh eyes view the piece or put it in the drawer until we have recovered from it.

Until this year I never realized how much writing is like giving birth.  You have the conception, the idea for a narrative, an essay or a book.  Then there are further steps of nurture where you design, lay out, outline, or cluster ideas for your masterpiece.  You draft, redraft, query, write, and do it all again.  You pray and worry.  You plan, change your mind, and return to the draft.  Then a miracle occurs when an agent, editor, or publisher says yes and you give birth to that little darling that has made you so miserable but now gives you so much joy.

My little darling is due out this month.  Watch for 13 Decisions That Will Change Your Life.  I believe this book will be a blessing for you to read as it was a blessing for me to write.

Sheila

Decisions that make a Difference

There are times in our lives when we wonder, what difference does it make?  When this happens to me I ruminate about "the road not taken."   What if I had gone to college here?  married this person?  Had more children?  Joined the military?  And on it goes.

Just one glance around my office lets me know that what I have is precious.  I can't imagine any other life than this one.  With my loving spouse, wonderful children, and extraordinary grandchildren I can only say thank you to the One who entrusted me with this gift.

13 Decisions That Will Change Your Life will only enrich your circumstances.  Look for it to challenge, uplift, and maybe even help you decide to take that risk or change that behavior.  

Decide to Surrender

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Why do we have such a hard time with this one?  Raised in the South, I am aware of how stubborn, set in our ways, hard-headed, and opinionated people can be.  I alas suffer from some or all of these maladies.  Laying down my will for another's is hard - but the pain comes mostly from ego.  I, of course, think I know best and impose that knowledge whenever I can.

But what happens if the situation is not one I can control.  And I must, gulp, leave it in another's hands?  If that Other is God, it should be no problem.  Yet even in prayer, I find myself asking for what I want instead of what may be for the ultimate best.

Surrender comes with a price tag.  Every decision does.  But some costs are easier to pay than others.  Surrender to God.  You will never regret that decision.

Where Do Good Decisions Come From?

Decisions should come from the mind AND the heart.  One without the other is either too emotional or too cold.   Emotions warm up what our brain dictates and the brain pushes stop on the Panic Button.
When I was a young minister's wife, I did every job that was posted on the To Do list. I prepared communion, taught Sunday School, led Women's Bible Study, picked up the nursery laundry, emptied the trash, and gave the pews a once a week polish.  

Then a very wise person pointed out to me that (1) I wasn't passionate about some of the tasks I had taken on, and (2) I was depriving someone else of serving.  In a nice way, she informed me that I was being selfish.

Now that I am a little more mature in my walk of faith, I've learned to give any decision about service some time.  I also seek the advice of others, pray about the opportunity, and just breathe.  This little routine has resulted in more committed decisions and a manageable calendar.

Try my little decision making routine.  You may like it so much that you'll make it your own.  

Until next time, Sheila

 

Spiritual Identity Theft

Often we don't think of decisions in conjunction with our identity.  But how we view ourselves is very important to our spiritual growth.  Christ died so that we could become children of God.  Our identity is tied up with His death, burial, and resurrection. 

If you need a boost for your ego, read Ephesians especially the first part of the book where Paul tells us what we have inherited from our Father.  Throughout the book he exhorts us to live as children of the light and finishes is off with reminding us of the armor God has provided.

Read it over and over until you believe it. Don't let the Evil One take away your place in the family.  The deceiver want to steal your credentials and leave you stranded, but we have identity that can't be stolen, can't be sold, lost, or forfeited.  Our identity is with Christ.

Make a decision to conduct yourself as one that has been bought with a price more extravagant than the world has ever known - the blood of the Maker.

Samantha Hoffman: Writing Tip: There Are No Absolutes

Samantha Hoffman: Writing Tip: There Are No Absolutes: I recently went to the Southeastern Writers Conference   (that's a picture at left of St. Simon's Island, where the conference was...

Decide to Give Yourself a Gift

This past week I was with 40 of my closest friends, those who know me best, and STILL like me.  They are my friends from Southeastern Writers Association.  I have been a member since 1983 and on the board for 10 years.

This was my first year back after retiring from the SWA board and I didn't know how I would feel.  But whatever qualms I had vanished as I was greeted with smiles, hugs, and handshakes.  It is wonderful to have those who accept you without any conditions.

This is the way it has been.  You can goof up, commit a faux pas, or any social boo boo and true friends forgive.  They even cheer for you as they did for me when I won several awards at my alma mater of writerdom.

And because I am all about decisions, here is one you should make.  Decide to give yourself a gift.  Someone said, "A friend is a gift you give yourself."  So lavish yourself with gifts of friendship.  It doesn't cost anything, but the gift of a friend is priceless.

Give Me Patience - NOW

I am afraid that most of us pray this way.  We want God to give us what we want, when we want it, and PRONTO.  That's not the way it works.

We wouldn't ask a person that rudely so why don't we use our best manners when it comes to the Creator, the Master of the Universe, and our King Forever?  I don't have the answer but I know that I am guilty and I suspect you are too.

Humility, patience, longsuffering. . . these are not traits that we like to hear about much less practice.  Ah but we must for our Lord practiced all of these and more.   Maybe that's why some of the pious Jews in Jesus' time put scriptures on their bodies to remind them.  Be patience.  Be loving.  Be kind.  Be available.  Be humble.  Be longsuffering.

And in our case. . . Be Christlike.

Barriers to Love

When I started writing 13 Decisions that will Change Your Life, I hadn't considered how many barriers there were to unconditional love.  As it turns out, there are many.  More seem to rear their heads every day.

Love is curtailed by distrust or mistrust.  We've all experienced betrayal and the bitterness it leaves.  Love is unable to live in an atmosphere of unforgiveness.  Roots of  malice burrow into our lives and take years of diligence to get rid of.

Love closely related to joy and a zest for living.  Neither is possible if a scimitar is poised over our head.  Purging grudges, putting away hard feelings, and defusing feuds unbars the road to love.  Unfortunately cleared pathways don't always stay clear, so this demolition must be a constant chore.   Don't put off your spring cleaning so love can blossom. 

All of LIfe is a Decision

From the first time you choose Cheerios(c) over toast, your life has been a series of decisions. Some are seemingly small such as what to have for breakfast or what to wear.  Others are of the more weighty variety like who do I marry or what will I do with my life.

Decisions also have consequences.  If we eat spicy food at midnight, we may pay with indigestion.  If we marry an incompatible individual then the consequences may be unhappiness or even divorce.  Unfortunately, most of us take decision making quite lightly and use the eeny-meeny-miny-moe approach.

My series of books take on 13 of our major decisions that change our lives, our marriages, our communities, and eventually our world.  How we act or react to life or how we anticipate life makes a difference in all of our relationships. 

When we display anger, unforgiveness, isolation, and guilt, it may be time for a deeper probing of what is going on in our lives.  I want to take this journey with you.  It is one I have experienced and so have many of my colleagues.

Decide to Embrace Failure

In a poem by T. H. Palmer, the writer beckons, "Tis a lesson you should need, If at first you don't succeed, Try, try again;  Then your courage should appear, for it you will persevere, You will conquer never fear.  Try, try again."

In the business of writing and publishing, rejections come in bunches.  Once I won an award at our writers' group for having the most rejections (200).  My  husband only encourages, you can paper your writing studio with them. 

But rejections hurt, discourage, and can become personal.  The editors don't want that beautiful essay and won't publish your delightful humor column.  When I feel like trashing the whole writing gig, I remember a comment by a friend, "No doesn't mean never."

Editors may not want my scribblings now, but in future perhaps these same individuals will be asking for a guest editorial or article.  Keep your chin up.  Decide to embrace failure.  Try.  Try again.

Ignoring Failure

If you were raised in a home with perfectionists as I was, failure is the absolute be-all and end-all most humiliating experince you could experience.  Bad grades were a reflection on the family.  Behavior was to be on the utmost par.  Nothing could spot a perfect record at school or in the neighborhood.  "Be a lady" is the southern matra heard from the hospital nursery to the nursing home.  Not necessarily a bad thing, but somewhat crippling if you fail in any realm of your life.

And you will fail.  Failing isn't fatal.  Failing can be the stepping stone to the next big thing.  And failing doesn't mean you will never attain the goal.  You may have to be more patient, wait a little longer, take another creative route, or take a detour.  The main thing is that you keep on!  Ignore what doesn't work along with unwanted comments.  Concentrate on the goal and you will get there.

Embrace Failure

What do Dr. Seuss and Edison have in common with us?  We each have experienced failure.  Failure comes in many forms.  We fail exams. We fail physicals. We fail to produce, print, and be perfect.  It doesn't take long in this experiment we call life to witness failure in others and in ourselves.  The trick is to embrace it. 

Failure leads to finding alternate ways.  Failure leads to creativity.  Failure leads to honest soul searching.  Failure opens doors.  And the quicker we embrace our failure and open that door, the sooner we can move on to the next phase of our lives.

Generosity is Contagious

My grandmother was a giver.  I never left her little country farmhouse without a sack of tomatoes or jars of jelly.  She wasn't rich in material wealth but she wanted to give. Giving expressed her love.  I wonder if we think of that when we write a check to the church or share with someone in need.  Giving can salve our conscience because it's the right thing to do.  But perhaps we should reread the story in Luke 21.  Jesus commends the widow for her tiny gift because "she gave all she had to live on."  She supposedly went unnoticed but gifts done for the right motive don't go unnoticed.  The decision to be generous will change your life and the lives of those around you.

Generosity is a Decision

A baby no matter how precious is born with a clenched fist.  Part of the fallen nature of man, we are doomed to be selfish and think of No.#1.  When we are converted to Christ, our nature changes and the old Scrooge must go and we take on an attitude of giving.  Generosity is something we can cultivate.  Each tiny bit of giving unclenches that fist.  We give until it hurts and then it feels very very good.  Take every opportunity to share with another.  It's a decision that will change your life.